A friend is…

To always be cherished….imageIt’s always nice when a sister or friend reaches out and sends us love. It was this beautiful pic above that I really needed…How could she have known that in this moment I needed to be reminded of who ‘I am’…..I am ussually very careful of my words and how I speak, especially about myself. However,  recently words like sad, heartbroken, overwhelmed and lost ….were following my ‘I am’. I am so grateful that she understood that even in this season of grief, I am still accountable for the words I speak as these words are constantly shaping my own reality.

So today…

I am truly grateful

I am filled with the awareness that only goodness surrounds me

I am comforted to know that people care

I am constantly reminded that we need each more than we care to admit….

 Sophia Haynes

Yet on the flip side of all this, in this season I have come to the realization that I know nothing……

I am filled with power yet in some situations powerless

I possess unremarkable strength, yet weak

I am the smile, the frown, positivity, negativity all combine

I am the friend that cares

So it’s with utmost gratitude that I receive this reminder from the Universe that a friend out there is thinking and caring about me enough to remind me who I am…..


To all of you beautiful people that reached out to our family during this season of grief….

I am…..

Great because of you…




An Angel is watching over us…


imageLast night I googled that dreadful disease that took my mom. This was the first time since she departed that I looked at Scleroderma.org. This had been an obsession of mines for the last 6 months. Google was my friend, informing me of everything about this nasty illness that I had never heard of.

What is Scleroderma?


We held a ‘Celebration of Life’ at Refuge Church of God in Brooklyn. My mom served as the Usher’s President for many years and later she was responsible for the Usher’s Ministry of the Church of God of Brooklyn. This was a role she took seriously. Serving God and being an obedient servant was my mom’s first love.


Brooklyn Ny


Even though my mom opened her home to many people who were in need, her love for my siblings and myself was like no other. She loved us unconditionally. We were her life. In her last days mom told me over and over how much she loved everyone of us. She was sure she would get over the illness as she didn’t want to leave us.


imageMom was laid to rest at St. James Cemetery, Barbados. A beautiful soul who touched everyone she came in contact with. She taught us how to love and how to give, even when you had nothing to give….


More pics coming….






I am…..


Hey, it’s been a while Since I wrote my last entry. I have been busy enjoying life, feeling pretty good. Watching the Olympics and cheering both the USA team and the Jamaican team just stacking up those goal medals is awesome. What have you been doing with your time? Life goes on…live your best life, until we meet again….Celebrate life, Celibrate you…keep on loving…


I am

I am that girl with the big smile

the sister, daughter, mother,

With no apologies I intend to never to let life pass me by,

I refuse to attempt to recover what was lost

or fathom what didn’t work, it’s the experience I hold unto the most,

it’s all necessary on this beautiful journey

realising never to get stuck or throw a pity party,

as I keep on,

Unwilling to stay there  on that same old mountain…

For I am she

I am me

it’s that beautiful feeling….

the happiness, the joy, new moments In the making…


I am love,




God Bless The good ole’ USA….


It looks to the world like it is such a terrible time to be American.  Yet to many of us immigrants it is the place where we live. The birth place of our children and our grandchildren. The year 2016 will be a year that many people will never forget. With the current political climate and Presidential Election, how could we ever forget this year. For me 2016, will always stand out in my mind as the year I embraced this Country where I have lived for more than two decades. It will be remembered as the year I called America, home……..


As I write this blog, I can’t help but to remember the many years of ‘heimweh’ (homesickness) I have experienced over the years. I always thought my country was heaven, a land of paradise. My love for my country prevented me from becoming attached to any other country I visited. No wonder ‘heimweh’ was the first German word I spoke when I was an Aupair in Germany. Homesickness and nostalgia would continue to haunt me wherever I went. To me there was no where in the world like Barbados my Country…..


As I am older now and have seen my American children all grown up. My family members and love ones are all scattered across America. This is our Country now whether we embrace it or not. The opportunities and life we have here are far greater than what’s going on in America. To the world around us it looks terrible, the crime rate, police brutality, and the ills that plague this society are headline news. Social injustices seen everywhere. People are loosing their lives everyday because of ignorance and stupidity.


Yet, I see a bigger picture. America is invaded with Hatred. This ‘Hatred‘ is not limited to this Country alone, it is worldwide. There is the absence of love for each other. Humanity is suffering a terrible blow. No one loves any more. Yet this country was built and founded by dreamers, and it’s this resilience that has made America great, and I do believe this nation will rise up from the ashes. It’s possible, and it will when we embrace each other and respect our differences.image

If America is not working for you, you can always move away. If the State you live in is not working for you, relocate, there are 52 beautiful States. Hatred will never work for you. Try loving today….Life is too short to be anything other than happy. 


Freedom: Are we really free? Thinking out loud…..


imageIs it the political climate?

Why are the Presidential nominees getting more attention than any other time in history?

Why are your minds controlled? Why are you giving so much attention to what always was?  Please don’t tell me there is now more police brutality, more racism than ever. If you feel this way what evidence do you have to support this? Images?

What I see now are cameras everywhere; lights, cameras, action….everything being recorded for us to see. If this is the proof, I rest my case. Yet, who controls the media who controls what we see?  We all know that only images that they want us to focus on ever really make it into our living rooms. We also know that what we focus on grows. Or do we know that? Our words are also very powerful. What are we saying to each other, what are we anticipating will happen in the near future?


My weird thinking sees something different. I see the forces and systems that have separated us for so long falling. Fear is setting in…..

The walls of religion and the separatism of one group of people  that tend to think they are chosen and judgment will fall on everyone else is falling.

The races are inter-mingling or should I call it interracial.com.

The gap between who is at the top of the wealth pyramid is closing in. Suddenly sisters are billionaires. More minorities now than ever are on that list. Sorry that my definition of minority is different than yours. Cause minority to me includes the struggling Caucasian single mom who sold cup cakes for a living, minority to me is not just a race of people. Minority to me is the less fortunate. The dreamers…..

Ignorance and hatred are taking over the world and what are we doing about it?


We must boycott the agenda of those whose job is to continue to separate us and focus more on loving each other. We must not spread their propaganda and let them use us freely to spread and contaminate each other’s brains with hatred.

We must examine our relationship with each other. Let the truth be told, we are filled with envy, jealousy, hatred and capitalism and greed continues to separate us.

We can stand on picket lines and defend ‘our right to be free’ and treated equally, yet we don’t even love and respect ourselves, each other. Killing of innocent lives is wrong…..there is no way around this…. but after 300 years of being free what have we done to show solidarity? What have we done to unite with each other….

Sorry my blog wont get too much likes, cause I feed my soul, and my soul is colorless…My soul is that of a woman wondering why the Human Race, the most intelligent species on Planet earth can’t seem to grasp the concept of Impermanence, the concept of of Love. Love for all, Love for our planet, Love for each other. Is it because it’s politically correct to hate people that don’t look like yourself?

Or is it simply the fear- factor? That we are fearful of what this world would be like if we all unite? Maybe then we would have to become our brother’s keeper like the good book says….We would be accountable for each other….we would be forced to distribute the wealth…the walls that separate us would be forced to fall…and hatred and greed would be eradicated.


Are you really free to choose love?

I am…..

I choose to love despite of…..

I choose to love freely…..

I choose to have joy and peace in my heart…

Please free me from my fuck-ups, cause there are many.   (When you know better you do better…Maya Angelou)

And I will continue to read your positive status quotes on Social Media. I may even share them. Yet I refuse to watch the Political Boxing game where one candidate unveils and another with their own agenda, and they fill us with the promise of ‘a better America’…and the food we eat is killing us…the greed and accumulation of things and more things does nothing for our bleeding souls dying to be comforted by love, compassion, kindness…. and somewhere in a lab another I-phone is being created, with more sophistication than the last, and in another place a child is hungry, and which one gets our attention?

We have become obsessed with our goals, what our lives should look like..more abundance…

And Hatred is brewing…..and we are in a deep sleep…..

And I am living my life, grateful for each awakening moment….and my soul loves…


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How full is your cup?


What happens when you thought you seen it all? You’ve cried and prayed, fought battle after battle, and just when you thought ‘I can finally breathe again’, you find yourself in the midst of another battle……death…illnesses…and once again there is nothing left to do but put on those resilience muscles and dive in deep, be that person that God made you to be, keep your head up high, and know that ‘this too shall past’….

I have worked as a Certified Nursing Assistant for many years now. Whenever I would apply for a new position I was proud to list the skills that differ me from other candidates, genuine compassion being my greatest strength. I love and care about people, I always have. It didn’t matter what their skin color was or economic back ground people are people. I was born this way…..I was proud to make a difference. I have worked with people with many  illnesses and became very knowledgeable and gained many valuable lessons from each individual.

Now  I am in the battle of caring for a family member, It’s a fight like none I have ever been apart of.  Suddenly life is scary, life is complicated, the knowledge, skill and experiences I have previously gained do prepare me, but this is so personal, this has hit home in a big way.

Doctors appointments, hospital visits, being that advocate, this can be so overwhelming. I have become obsessed with educating myself on diseases and illnesses and in doing so have found out that all these big name diseases point to the same thing, self neglect….people are not taking care of themselves. People are so busy trying to gain the whole world that and everyone is just loosing their soul…

What really is going on? So today I am asking what really is in your cup? What are you dealing with? How full is this cup?  We can look all around us and get so deeply involved with everything that is happening, it is so easy to loose focus, it’s so easy to loose oneself….it may be church work, that degree that you are working towards, that overwhelming job (just over broke) the kids, the family, your latest obsession…..or just life…

Is it worth it?

I am urging you to live life, exercise, stay in shape, eat a well- balanced meal. There is not enough nutrition in our food supply system anymore. Eat more fruits and vegetables as well as your supplements. Stock up on your vitamin d intake, calcium, iron. So many people are suffering from reflux and digestive issues. Introduce probiotics to help assist your digestive track. Drink lots of water, purify your mind, think positive thoughts, feel good, live good. Know when to take a break, go on vacation.

I know people are focused and goal oriented and every wants to be be wealthy these days, so many abundance tutorials and teachings all over….

And everyone’s cup is so full…..


We know now what we are, but know not what we will be...William Shakespeare

R.I.P to Hatred and the true evils that are robbing us….#Lovematters#



Beautiful Barbados July 2016

Newyork- Downtown BK-Gentrification


I have been so busy but need to share my thoughts….

Summer is here, NewYork summertime, unlike any other. Welcome to the new BROOKLYN, upper middle class neighborhoods now replace what we remembered as BK. Coffee shops on blocks where once stood bodegas, street peddlers, chinese restaurants, mamas or papas fried chicken. The effects of gentrification; Landlords making way for wealthy tenants, affordable housing, section 8 and most Public Assistance housing programs a thing of the past……what do you think?

I was amazed at the sight of Barclay’s  Center a few years back when I visited trip New York. Awesome, a beautiful landmark in the heart of  Atlantic Ave, surrounded by the Atlantic Center mall, Starbucks, and lots of cool restaurants and bars. Less than a mile down Flatbush, downtown Brooklyn is hardly recognizable. Gone are the little Jewish owned stores. Nordstorm, Forever 21, American Eagle, just to name a few are all apart of the New Brooklyn. Condos, sky scrapers and hotels now stand on streets that once housed welfare and many city buildings.

With this new ambience comes sky rocketing apartment cost. The Blacks and Hispanics that once were the majority here are unable to afford even a Studio apartment in the ‘New Brooklyn’. Gentrification is not new to Newyork city, as tenants were also forced out of Harlem, Williamsburg, and Parkslope to name a few neighborhoods.  Can Gentrification with all its ills also create the shift that  these lower class of people need to raise their standards of living, take ownership of their lives and improve their quality of living somewhere else?



imageWhat are your thoughts on the ‘New Brooklyn’?


The Lucky Warrior


The Lucky Warrior


With wide hips she stood tall
Slaying everything that came her way
Neither running or dodging trials
She knew every lesson was preparation for that day
With trembling hands clasped she would kneel and pray
Never a why me, instead a why not me?
Like a veteran actress, skillful with each role she got
As the curtains closed, lights, cameras, actions, always giving her best shot

Embracing life’s pitfalls, standing on solid ground
If only she had got it the first time around
Life lessons won’t need to be resurrected
Every act of love isnt always reciprocated.

The  warrior dances to the beat of her own drum

Dazzles and shines in her make belief costume
Filled with timeless wisdom and divine power
This is the true nature of a prayer warrior.


She does it her way,
Never taking for granted a new choice she has to make
Dying to give birth to a better way
Following the footsteps of phenomenal women
Lives shattered but not broken by long suffering
It’s all a wonder, how they conquered, such a mystery
Survival for this warrior is a true testimony
Filled with strength, resilience,
Marching hand in hand with impermanence
Some call her brave heart, some  say carefree
Some like to say this warrior is just lucky…


All original material by Sunshinesoulsister

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Farewell to my grandmother & A conversation from the other side

I can only imagine….

From a distance you held it together well
Clothed with confidence and pride
Every now and then the tears flow, but even this was hard to tell
I saw you wiped your eyes
But when I asked you about it
Your face lit up to my surprise
Left with all kinds of questions to ponder
Your life, your legacy, it’s all a blunder
I know there is more than what meets the eye
If only I was there to say that final goodbye….

I waited my child……

Watched, waited, watched every passerby
Seconds turned into minutes, days into weeks
To share my story, of a life filled with many defeats
What you see is the fragments of a woman
A wife, a mother, a person scarred and torn
Yet day after day with a heavy heart I continued, I kept pressing on
You see a long time ago I begun a quest to find true love
I searched high, I searched low but only found it from above
You see the tears that I cried, I cried for everyone of my children
I wanted to explain myself, wanted to show how much I love every one of them
But weeks became months, months years, I just kept on waiting….

I felt so all alone, but this was the story of my life
I saw the pain each one of you carried, it cut through my heart like a knife
It was never intentional, I had to abandon you to save me,
It was a continuous fight for my life, a fight for my sanity…..

Say no more grandma
For I too walked that familiar road
I saw the whispers, sneers and jeers while I carried that same heavy load
Many times over to save myself I had to run,
Sometimes I didn’t even know how or where to turn
Yet day after day, I kept pressing on
I too searched for love in all the wrong places
I even took some chances with a few familiar faces
My choices would always lead me back to the place I started
Scrambling to pick up the pieces, wounded and more broken hearted
I hope my kids would one day understand I never meant to hurt them
I tried to put an end to my own misery, torture and emotional suffering….

Well my granddaughter, I am sorry your path was similar to mines
I prayed and asked that my kids would one day understand me
Life happens my child, the sorrow, joy, pain, hurts, it’s apart of ones’ destiny
I was just the vehicle that brought them into this world
It’s up to them now to seek first the kingdom of God, and save their own soul
They will need lots of Faith, trust, and learn to practice forgiveness
They must remove from their life envy, jealousy, resentment, hatred, anger and malice
The time has come for this family to come together
They must find a way to get rid of all bitterness and learn to love one another

I was the last one, now I have departed
Someone must finish what was started
Someone must pray, stand guard and continue this family legacy
It was a very long road my children, Sometimes sad and lonely
Today my spirit is here with you, today I ask for unity
Let the healing begin, I made it, I fought a good fight, my journey is complete
I finally found true love, the kind I was looking for
Be encouraged my love ones
I found a friend in Jehovah,
He proved to be all I needed and much much more…

R.I.P Ann E. Jordan


My mom & myself….May 2016